How to Transition Through Life's Events with Grace

My family is in the middle of a cross-country move. Right smack dab in the middle of the move and we’re somehow tackling it in the midst of a global pandemic. We listed and sold a house during the height of COVID-19 cases and fear in our town. We had to be ok with people walking through out home and then returning home an hour later and letting our children and dog back into that same space. We had to be ok with inspectors and appraisers, realtors and, eventually, movers spending time in our home. We had to be ok with it and we were because this is a move we’ve been really excited for.

That said, this hasn’t been easy. It’s been stressful and exhausting. One of our craziest moments came the day we couldn’t return home for 6 hours while the inspector and then the buyer spent time surveying the house. We had no where to go. Restaurants weren’t open. No libraries or cafes or even public restrooms could open their doors to let us take a load off. We road bikes for a while and then sat in the car for the final 2 hours - exhausted, hungry and thirstier than any of us could remember being.

Here’s the thing about transitions - they take flexibility and grace to do them well. If Ryan and I had sat in the front seats of that car grumbling and complaining you can bet that our kids would have done the same. Instead we laughed and made jokes about where along the side of the road we could pee without anyone spotting us. We joked about how much water we would drink when we were finally allowed back in our house. And months later, when we locked the front door and drove away from our house for the final time, making our way to Michigan where we are currently spending a month of transition time while we wait for our new home to be ready, we found ourselves rolling with laughter again while we used a toddler potty chair on the side of the road so we could avoid public restrooms along the route.

Even as I type it I can hardly believe I’m admitting that to you. But it -the potty chair- felt necessary so we didn’t bring undue risk to my parents in Michigan, and that potty chair now holds the honor of the best $20 ever spent in our family’s history!

Today we’re about halfway through our time in Michigan and then we’ll start our trek to California. We’re still not sure whether we will decide it’s safer to drive or to fly so we’re leaving that up in the air for now. And we’re not sure when we will able to get into our new home (so many delays due to COVID) so we’re staying super flexible on that too. And right there is one of the keys to transitioning with grace - flexibility.

Flexibility, Simplicity, and Priority - these are a few keys to moving through life’s transitions without losing your mind or your sense of self.

Here are 5 things to keep in mind as you find yourself facing a time of transition:

Line up your support team. For us this meant family willing to take us in while we wait things out between Connecticut and California. And it meant friends to ship back the cable box, pick up the final mail and a dozen other small errands we didn’t even anticipate. Who can your support people be and what can they bring to you? Meals? Quiet walks? Silly magazines and late-night phone conversations? Be honest with yourself about what you’ll need and stack your team ahead of time.

Pare down and simplify. When packing for this stage of the trip we packed bare necessities and nothing more. We sold half of our furniture before packing and gave away countless items. The less we’re working with, the easier it will all be. For you it may be simplifying your schedule or commitments. Whatever is on your plate before the transition is too much. Find ways to cut back.

Let the transition take priority. This means saying NO to distractions and any asks that come your way that may not support the work you’re doing to move through the transition. There will be other opportunities to help others. Right now you focus on you and moving through with the mental and emotional space to do it gracefully.

Stay flexible. In the best of times it’s nearly impossible to plan for every possibility but during a time of change or transition that becomes even more challenging. So stop trying. Make a plan but keep it open for change. Acknowledge any resistance you feel and politely excuse it. Journaling is an excellent way of sketching out a future plan while keeping track of all of the changes and possibilities that arise along the way.

Laugh and find adventure. Laughter is what got us through our no-public-restrooms road trip and our half-day hikes each time we had a showing and couldn’t be at home. We’re still remembering to treat each other with an extra dose of kindness and grace as we experience the heartbreak and excitement on our own timetables. So we laugh and tread carefully but we’re also on the lookout for adventure at every turn. Because adventure is the quickest way to turn a chore into the opportunity for delight.