Self Compassion to Overcome the Overwhelm

Self compassion is like a special kind of magic.  It’s a gift we give not just to ourselves but also to others. 

Every day each of us has the capacity to change another person’s life through compassion.

But if we don’t first take care of ourselves - nurturing, loving, caring for ourselves - every relationship we have can turn quickly to resentment and conflict.

Think of it this way. Trying to change a relationship or situation through sheer force or will may only work to a point. After that, you’re knocking your head against the wall.

Through compassion, something bigger and stronger than just ourselves emerges.

Here’s the science:

When you practice compassion you stimulate your vagus nerve. This is the highway that sends messages to and from your brainstem and important organs like your heart. 

This nerve, the vagus nerve, activates two important systems in the body that directly impact how you feel: 

The sympathetic nervous system gets activated when you’re in fight-flight-freeze made. When your sympathetic system is triggered your heart rate and blood pressure go up. You don’t think as clearly and stress hormones (cortisol and epinephrine) and inflammatory proteins (associated with the onset of disease) are released into the bloodstream. Bad news!

The parasympathetic nervous system gets activated when you’re in the healing, rest-and-digest mode. In this mode your blood pressure and heart rate go down an you become more calm and relaxed, with your brain functioning at its best.

Compassion practices help you more readily, more easily, turn on your parasympathetic nervous system.

In early times the sympathetic nervous system was triggered by physical threats; things that threatened our safety, health and wellbeing.  Today, however, most threats are created in our mind by thoughts and emotions.

Thoughts like “I’m not good enough.”

Instead, of thinking these things, do the opposite. Accept and comfort yourself and tap into the power of self compassion. Hold your pain and brokenness in a kind and loving way.  All of this will de-activate the sympathetic nervous system and help you heal.

The more often you do this - engage your parasympathetic nervous system to help you feel calm, relaxed and safe - the better you’ll get at showing up in the world more present and kind.

Here’s a great way to practice this.

Treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend.

When you’re struggling or a day is particularly hard, imagine someone you love (your mom, a best friend) comes to you with that same problem. What would you say to them? What’s the tone of your voice? Would you dismiss the problem and diminish their feelings or offer them reassuring and loving words? How would you care for them?  In what ways would you show them you love and care about them.

Now hug yourself or hold your own hand the way you would this person you love. The physical act of placing your own hans on your heart or face can release oxytocin and help you feel safe and loved.